The Lived Experiences of Non-custodial Parents in Canada: A Comparison of Mothers and Fathers

Abstract

This paper reviews the literature to provide an overview of what is currently known about the situations and experiences of mothers and fathers who become the non-resident parent post-separation/divorce. It also documents the results of a new qualitative study of similarities and differences between divorced non-custodial mothers and fathers in Canada in their experience of parenthood after divorce; focusing on (a) patterns of attachment, loss and grief related to involuntary child absence, (b) mothers’ and fathers’ perspectives on their children’s needs in the divorce transition, and their responsibilities in relation to those needs, and (c) mothers’ and fathers’ perspectives on the responsibilities of social institutions to support divorced parents. I explore mothers’ and fathers’ views of the salient issues regarding post-divorce parenting, with a focus on the process and outcome of child custody determination. The principal question explored is, “Are the experiences of nonresident parents gender-based, or is their status as non-resident parents a more salient factor in their subsequent relationship with their children?” Findings indicate that there are many similarities in women and men’s experiences regarding the difficulties they each encounter when parenting at a distance. A key finding is that both parents experience the harmful effects of existing child custody law and policy, and speak strongly to the need for child custody law reform in the direction of a joint physical custody presumption. I examine mothers’ and fathers’ own views regarding child custody determination and needed changes in direct service provision to non-custodial parents.